90+ Funny Jokes about Men for Adults | Funniest Dirty Jokes

90+ Funny Jokes about Men

Here is a beautiful collection of Funny Jokes about men, extracted from the stunning collection of author ‘Harris Billigon’. Its whole attribute goes to the original author. Obviously, Funny Jokes about men and Funny Jokes for adults are very popular topics because both men and women like to joke about men. These funniest dirty jokes presented here are only for the amusement and entertainment of our readers. So read and enjoy here these Funny Jokes about men.

If you like, please share it with your friends and lovers as much as possible on social media. 

Q: What's the difference between a man and a condom?

A: Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!

😵😵😵 

Q: What's the most comfortable sleeping position of a man?

A: Around.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do a penis and an ego have in common?

A: All men have one!

😵😵😵 

Q: What makes a man think about dinner by candlelight?

A: A power failure.

😵😵😵 

Q: There are three words to ruin a man's ego...

A: "Is it in?"

 😵😵😵

Q: What is the difference between a man and a vulture?

A: A vulture waits until you're dead before ripping your heart out.

 😵😵😵

Q: How can you tell if your man is happy?

A: Who cares?

😵😵😵 

Q: How many knees do men really have?

A: 3.... left knee, right knee, and their wee-knee.

 😵😵😵

Q: When would you want a man's company?

A: When he owns it.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do you give a man with everything?

A: Penicillin.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why do only 15 percent of men make it to heaven?

A: Because if they all went; it would be called hell.

😵😵😵 

Q: What do you call a guy who Masturbates more than twice a day?

A: A Terrorist

 😵😵😵

Q: What do you call a man with an opinion?

A: Wrong.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why don't women blink during sex?

A: There isn't enough time.

😵😵😵 

Q: What should you give a man who has everything?

A: A woman to show him how to work it.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

A: They never stop to ask directions.

 😵😵😵

Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers?

A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.

😵😵😵 

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

A: Four guys watching a football game.

😵😵😵 

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

😵😵😵 

Q: How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

A: Make him wear shoes.

😵😵😵 

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A: It's not hard.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job?

A: He still ends up with the same boss.

 😵😵😵

Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?

A. It changes their DNA.

😵😵😵 

Q: What do you call a married man vacuuming?

A: Doing what he's told...

😵😵😵 

Q: Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis?

A: Because they're stuck in adolescence.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why are Good Men like parking spaces?

A: The good ones are already taken!

😵😵😵 

Q: Why are men like cars?

A: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is Cumming.

😵😵😵 

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

 😵😵😵

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

😵😵😵 

Q: How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?

A: Two - if you slice them very thinly.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why did the man keep going in circles?

A: He didn't get the point.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?

A: Because they are pigs.

 😵😵😵

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.

😵😵😵 

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

😵😵😵 

Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?

A: Jack

😵😵😵 

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: none. the lady should already have it opens on the table!

😵😵😵 

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

😵😵😵 

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

😵😵😵 

Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

A: We cook - they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

😵😵😵 

Q: What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth?

A: A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER

😵😵😵 

Q: How do males exercise on the beach?

A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

😵😵😵 

Q: What are a married man's two greatest assets?

A: This is a closed mouth and an open wallet.

 😵😵😵

Q: What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs?

A: They take a lot of lip and they don't talk back.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do you call 3 guys fighting over a slut?

A: Tug-of-whore.

 😵😵😵

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

 😵😵😵

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?

A: They don't have penises to keep them in!

😵😵😵 

Q: What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A: All invented by women.

 😵😵😵

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?

A: Because men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why did God invent men?

A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

A: They all already have boyfriends.

😵😵😵 

Q: How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

A: All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.

 😵😵😵

Q: What did God say after creating man?

A: I can do so much better.

😵😵😵 

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?

A: Bonds mature.

😵😵😵 

Q: How do you scare a man?

A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!

😵😵😵 

Q: How is a man like a used car?

A: Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!

 😵😵😵

Q: How do you stop a man from raping you?

A: Throw him the remote control.

😵😵😵 

Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?

A: A barbecue.

😵😵😵 

Q: What does a man consider a seven-course meal?

A: A pizza and a six-pack.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?

A: Patient!

 😵😵😵

Q: What is the difference between a man and a tree?

A: One is illegal to hit with an ax.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?

A: Exchange him.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?

A: He is a tearjerker.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do men and mascara have in common?

A: They both run at the first sign of emotion.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do you call a man who never farts in public?

A: A private tutor.

 😵😵😵

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?

A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

😵😵😵 

Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

A: So men can be open minded.

😵😵😵 

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?

A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

 😵😵😵

Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?

A: Sex.

😵😵😵 

Q: What's the best way to force a male to do sit-ups?

A: Put the remote control between his toes.

😵😵😵 

Q: What's the smartest thing a man can say?

A: "My wife says..."

😵😵😵 

Q: How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper?

A: We don't know it's never happened.

😵😵😵 

Q: What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover?

A: A man with a nine-inch tongue who can breathe through his ears.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liner?

A: So men can understand them.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why did God create man before woman?

A: Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

 😵😵😵

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?

A: He buys an extra case of beer.

😵😵😵 

Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?

A: The man.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?

A: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why do men name their penises?

A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A: Because of their plugged into a genius!

 😵😵😵

Q: Why do some guys have Red Eyes after Sex?

A: Mace.

 😵😵😵

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg?

A: Because no one will stop and ask for directions.

 😵😵😵

Q: What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?

A: Telling you his real name.

😵😵😵 

Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?

A: Big Foot has been spotted several times.

😵😵😵 

Q. How do you drive a man crazy?

A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why did God create man before woman?

A: He didn't want any advice.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born?

A: To knock the penises off the smart ones.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City?

A: Because she was being led by three boys

😵😵😵 

Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

A: E.T. phones home.

😵😵😵 

Q: When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl?

A: Right after he "comes" inside.

😵😵😵 

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: Because they're practicing to be men.

😵😵😵 

Q: What did the elephant say to a naked man?

A: Hey that's cute but can you breathe through it?

😵😵😵 

Q: Why do most men prefer cats over dogs?

A: Because we hate bitches but we love us some pussy.